so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
