somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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