i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
