At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
