1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
