she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
