It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
