the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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