her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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