No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
