i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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