Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
