Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
