I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
