so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
