You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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