my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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