Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
