We won't sleep together?
We're like a lot better than the average bears
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
