I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
ok first of all what the fuck
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