highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
