She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
