i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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