If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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