His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
