i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
