My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
