Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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