on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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