Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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