I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
