you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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