i don't like sucking hair
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
