At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
