cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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