He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
