the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
