You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize