wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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