one two three fourrrrnication!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
