first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
