I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
