the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
