i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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