we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
