Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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