just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
