I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize