hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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