My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
