Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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