I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
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why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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