It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
