New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize