"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
