fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
