Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
