Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I want to have your abortion
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I love you. Go after that dick
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
