I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
