How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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