The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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