THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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