and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize